My Donna

Im always bad with introductions, especially in writings about myself. But who cares cause im writing this blog in pure memory of my donna's recent passing at 710am. She was a joy to our family for the past 11 years and will continue to have an important place in each of our heart.

When i saw her laying there, trying to breathe.. i tried to steer away from any of the bad thoughts ive experienced. I missed her dearly, she was family to me.. sharing each part of my life. I still remembered the day i saw her, she was very small and smelled of baby milk. I refused to play with her and tried to ignore her persistent acknowledgements. My dog lucky had just passed on and my mum brought her into our family. It was in December 1996 and i was in junior college 1. I still remembered my mum yelled at her in the morning while im having my sleep. This little naughty ger had climbed up the xmas tree and was whining cause she couldnt come down.

She's really cute, intelligent and very attention grabbing. She yearns to be loved and accepted, and we all loved her dearly. She was greedy, and soon ballooned to a hefty 25kg at one point. Even the clinic staff commented on her larger than average size and her cuteness.

Im really breaking up, i miss her.. i miss her head curling under my arm, i miss her kponess everytime she tries to investigate the rubbish in my room, i miss her everything. I know my mum felt worse cause donna loved my mum most and my mum adored donna more than herself. My ex gf gave donna nicks that i find amusing and appropriate. She's my mum's handbag, my mum,s shadow. She's so fat that i loved calling her tua hanzi or dai fanshi. Just a few days ago when i was talking to donna in my room, i told donna that it's time i promote her to senior police inspector. She looks like a police dog with her harness, and i gave her the nick police inspector cause she likes to rummage through our bins and stuff. Now she's gone, just like that. It seems so unreal that it just happen this soon.

Donna went through many operations and from my mum's words, she's afraid to go to the vet. She got too many injections and operations. The vet diagnosed donna with having breast cancer and she may live not more than a year, but it has been less than 4 mths!! We are going to be prepared for this.. we want to give her more, pamper her more.. this is too soon.. really non expected.

Donna came looking for me last night. My lights were off early as im sick. She waited at my door, like wanting to see me. I woke up to grab something for my bland mouth, and my mum told me that donna refuses to sleep.. even though her eyes are tired. I stayed awake and donna came into my room, smelling my bed.. pausing around my room. Ive got this gut feeling that she's going and she knows it. She wants to be near us, she wants us to be around her and she wants to remember every scent. This is what i feel and maybe only to me and my mum.

I know letting her go with as little suffering is better for her, but i cant let her go.. i dont want but im not to decide and she's really gone. I miss her badly and i know my mum misses donna terribly as well. I dont want to cry in front of my mum.. i know my mum is feeling very terrible and i dont want to intensify her grief. This place is to help me cope and hide my grief.

I dont know how to react.. i know i will get